Why is this important?

I know I've already posted once today but this has been something I have wanted to post since the beginning. Why am I doing what I'm doing? Why am I making the decision to get healthy? Why is it different this time? Why is it important to me to eat as organic and clean as possible and cut the sweeteners and crap out of my diet? Before I was even pregnant I always knew that I wanted to (and needed to) lose weight so that I could have a better chance of getting pregnant and having a healthy pregnancy. We weren't not trying when I found out I was pregnant but it was still a bit of a shock to me because we hadn't been trying for awhile, and weren't getting any results. So I was probably right at about 280 lbs when I got pregnant. Luckily, I only gained 20 lbs during my pregnancy. And that wasn't because I was starving myself or anything like that I just knew I was already overweight and there was no need for me to just let myself go and gain 40+ lbs. And so we had a healthy 8 lb 20 inch little boy. I dropped the baby weight pretty quickly, that was in combination I think of stress and also because I was in the hospital because of a kidney infection when he was about 2 weeks old. Then I ended up gaining it back plus some. Here we are 17 months later and I've lost about 11 lbs of that and am currently at 284 lbs. Yep I just put my current weight out there. Yikes. Oh well. It is what it is, I can't deny it or hide it anymore. So since James starting eating solids I've been pretty set on having him eat organic, or as much organic as possible. I made his baby food myself by pureeing organic fruits and veggies and supplementing that with organic oatmeal. When I wasn't able to make it myself due to time constraint or whatever I would only buy organic. Once he started eating table food I also tried to make sure he ate as healthy as possible and getting in all of the food groups. Which is hard with a toddler, and somewhat frustrating because you prep this "healthy" meal and it ends up mostly on the floor. But what can ya do? He loves fruit, some veggies, but those are harder to get him to eat. But I found myself making sure he was eating organic and healthy, while I'd stop and get fast food for myself, or make something different for myself that was not healthy and full of empty calories. So I decided that I didn't want to be a hypocrite. Obviously he's still young enough to not know the difference but I want to lead by example. I want to show him how to live a healthy lifestyle not just tell him to. I don't need to be a super model, but I do need to be comfortable in my own skin, so that I can run around outside and play rather than park my fat ass in a lawn chair and watch him play. I want to be able to be OK to get into a swimsuit and get in the pool with him and run in the sprinklers. I do not want to watch his life from the sidelines I want to take an active part in it. I also need to be healthier and happier with myself so that I can have a better relationship with my husband- his daddy. I don't want him to see me pushing daddy away and not be affectionate. Kids love seeing their parents love each other. I want to set that example for him too. So that is why I am doing this, and that is why I think this time it is going to stick. Because I am doing my son and husband a disservice by being overweight, unhappy, and miserable. It is preventing me from being the best mom and wife I can be and I need to get my shit together! Pardon the french, but it is what it is. No more excuses.